Facebook Haiku Volume 4

Heidi dumb. Wet hand. Metal door. Winter. Swift. 10:38pm

Heidi would like to add "yeah but it's a wussy cold" to the list that includes "yeah but it's a dry cold." 4:33pm

Heidi is amused that her friend's 8 year old has declared himself to be a Jacobite. 10:48am

Heidi is slowly coming to terms with the fact that the laundry fairies are not coming today and is embarking on Plan B. 6:44pm

Heidi is wondering if Peter's reasons for only going to dim sum occassionally are the same as hers. 6:03pm

Heidi is reading Food and Drink and regretting that she's eating Mac and Cheese. 2:03pm

Heidi is taming the beast that is her unread in-box. 1:44pm

Heidi is not as illustrated. For the most part. Well, maybe she does look a little like an Ugly Doll Ice Bat. 12:48pm

Heidi has really really really nice friends and family. 10:27pm

Heidi is trying to get her stomach off mountain standard time. 8:58pm

Heidi is home. She will retreat from the world like Alice James. Well, Alice James with cable. 12:48am

Heidi is happy to be escaping more -30 weather. 12:41am

February 7

Heidi is wishing she didn't have the Shaft theme running through her head; though it might be the Sesame Street version that features Cookie Monster. 12:49am

February 5
Heidi is thinking about giving up CNN for Lent. 11:06pm

Heidi is wondering how one caters a Super Tuesday soiree but then realizes she and D will just finish off this tin of low-fat Pringles. 11:40am

Heidi estimates that she has spent 47 minutes of her waking hours each day this week putting on and taking off snow clothes. 12:48am

February 3
Heidi is thinking about what Death Cab for Cutie said that Sara said. 11:43am

February 2
Heidi is not, as Dale keeps insisting she is, reading the "Directors Cut" version of Emma; there are not any highspeed barouche chases or fiery coach crashes. 12:51am

February 1
Heidi is grateful for thick Jane Austen novels. 1:35am

January 31
Heidi is sitting on a beach listening to Rickman, Firth and Granderson argue about who is going to get her her next mojito. 12:22am

January 29
Heidi is amused to find herself thinking "oh good.. it's warming up" when seeing tomorrow's high is -35. 10:59pm

Heidi is feeling nostalgic for yesterday's warmth. It's now -37 C but, according to Environment Canada "it feels like -53." 12:05am

January 27
Heidi is uhh happy to be participating the coldest January 27th since 1972. It's -28 but apparently feels like -44o C. 10:51pm

January 26
Heidi is hoping the -27o C forecast for Edmonton is a typo. 10:14pm

Heidi is wondering if Dale will believe you're supposed to buy your wife flowers on the day pitchers and catchers report.
9:42pm

Heidi apparently reminds a coworker of Annie Hall. She also reminds her mum of Elaine from Seinfeld 9:02am

Heidi now understands those dropped call commercials. She wonders if Dale knows he agreed to adopt three pug puppies. 12:16am

January 24
Heidi is kinda sorta wondering how it's all going to get done. 11:35pm

Heidi is not home. But Gracie has taken over Heidi's facebook account and all of her Scrabble games. 10:24pm

Heidi likes this Fountains of Wayne rhyme: I saw you talkin' to Christopher Walken. 5:01pm

Heidi is hoping the Russian Futurists are better company for Dale than the Russian Formalists she's been running with this week. 12:09pm

Heidi is pondering her shoe choices for tomorrow. 8:55pm

Heidi is now getting email from John Kerry. 7:38pm

Heidi is adding "laptop" to her list of things she owns with imprints of Gracie's teeth in the upper right corner. 5:07pm

Heidi is apparently detoxified having just used her detoxifying honey and milk lotion from Shoppers Drug Mart. Who knew 3.99 could do so much? 12:55pm

Heidi is watching snow fall. 9:08am

Heidi is clinging to her empty cup and waiting for the coffee shop to open. 8:15am

January 21
Heidi is having a hard time admitting to her Edmonton peops that she now finds -10 cold. "But it's a damp cold". 8:46pm

Heidi is annoyed to find herself singing songs about Piers Plowman. 4:51pm

Heidi is wishing Jones New York made thermal business attire. 9:11am

January 20
Heidi has decided on small TV & warm room rather than big tv & cold room. She'll save her chit for the big TV for big screen Colin Firth. She also forgives Aki. 7:31pm

Heidi is in the midst of domestic negotiations regarding the big screen TV: Jane Austen vs the Packers. She regrets she's up against a rhetorician. 1:04pm

Heidi is blissfully slothful or slothfully blissful. 11:38am

January 19
Heidi is wondering if she'd feel less guilty about not writing if she thought of it as solidarity with the striking writers rather than an actual slump. 6:37pm

Heidi is having to write her own status updates since the writers are still on strike. 1:00pm

Heidi is smiling at this email from a publisher: "the following new publications are available now. Please collect your necessary copy hurry." 9:22am

January 17
Heidi is feeling less surly now that she has a lemon cannoli. 7:15pm

Heidi is sad to realize she's becoming the kind of person who gets annoyed by headlines like "The deconstruction of Britney Spears". 4:53pm

Heidi is grossed out at the hawk outside her window pulling apart a pigeon. 2:42pm

Heidi staring at a picture of Virginia Woolf and humming a James Brown song to herself. 10:59am

January 16
Heidi has been scared into eating another orange now by Dan T. 11:13pm

Heidi is now operating under Wednesday's schedule: apparently it is not Thursday. 11:09am

January 15
Heidi is eating an orange so as to prevent scurvy. 9:47pm

Heidi is ever hopeful that the laundry fairies will come! 9:40pm

Heidi will not offer chatty banter during sporting events. Heidi will not offer chatty banter during sporting events. Heidi will not offer chatty banter during sporting events 8:50pm

Heidi is turning next week's classes into "surrealistic mime-acrobatic-dance pieces". 8:25am

January 14
Heidi is wishing she had a "surrealistic mime-acrobatic- dance piece" (Jan 7, New Yorker, p 26) to work on instead of prepping for next week's classes. 1:08pm

Heidi is sad how often people say "Oh no" when I say "Hey, I've got something for you" or "Hey! I was thinking...". 11:45am

January 13
Heidi is updating her New Year's Resolutions to include items like "I will cease to offer chatty banter during football games". 10:47pm

Heidi is getting excited about watching PBS's 3-month-long Jane Austen-a-palooza (isn't that what it's called?). 6:31pm

Heidi is back here... 8:25pm

January 10
Heidi is outta here.. 11:39am

January 9
Heidi is trying to figure out what to do for Professor Snape's birthday (Jan 9): take him to the Keg? Get him a gift certificate for Le Chateau or a spa weekend? 11:50pm

Heidi is wondering if salad can be archival. If so, she's found some in her fridge. 6:12pm

Heidi thinks her garbage can lid might be floating in the Detroit river after last night's storm. 11:04am

Heidi is wondering if Dale is googling "Collagen Marshmallows" yet. 8:56am

January 8
Heidi is wondering how to cater New Hampshire Primary Night: Obama Babka? McCain French Fries? Huckabee-rry Pie? Won ClinTon Soup? 5:01pm

Heidi is being taunted by a pigeon. 9:19am

January 7
Heidi is having a conversation about Scott Baio on the phone. 9:19pm

Heidi is absorbent and yellow and porous, is she. 7:52pm

Heidi is hoping Mita will forgive her...1:45pm

Heidi is still smiling about her latest caper of which she is mighty proud. 7:40pm

Heidi wondering why there are so many people wandering around her workplace...12:27pm

Heidi is listening to Badly Drawn Boy and wondering if she's a Badly Drawn Librarian. 9:06am

January 6
Heidi is a few days away from a pink Magnolia cupcake. 8:58pm

Heidi is unabashedly giddy to learn PBS is playing the complete Jane Austen over the next weeks. She also predicts Dale's response will be "oh no...". 3:57pm

Heidi is realizing the New Hampshire primary is kind of like Survivor. She wonders if Jeff Probst will host the next debate.
9:14am

Heidi is trying not to wonder how it is that Kevin Federline became the "good parent." 11:50pm

Heidi is laughing nervously at the OLA Conference tag line: "Because there is Nothing cooler than a convention center full of librarians!". 3:03pm

January 4
Heidi is reluctantly going to admit that she just googled "Barack Action Figure". 6:06pm

Heidi is being summoned out of her office by a cup of Tim's coffee... 1:52pm

Heidi is thinking she should have adopted more challenging New Year's resolutions. 12:19pm

Heidi is enjoying the serenity of an empty campus. 8:32am

January 3
Heidi is excited by the email she just got from Barack: "Heidi-- turn on your television. We just won in Iowa.".11:35pm

Heidi is STILL convinced that Wolf Blitzer is a handpuppet. 9:00pm

Heidi is wondering what the Iowans did today. 7:41pm

Heidi is researching how she might go about providing a half-dozen monkeys with typewriters-- just for the heck of it.5:16pm

Heidi has just learned a new word: prosopography. 3:02pm

Heidi is singing "Barack Me Amadeus". 11:38am

Heidi is wondering why librarians don't get horn sections to accompany them. 11:01am

Heidi is at war with her inner Bridget Jones. 10:32am

January 2
Heidi is singing hey-la hey-la, her boyfriend's back... 11:37am

Heidi is pleased that January is Curtis month in her Tigers calendar. 9:12am

Heidi is generally feeling less like her Secret Mission IceBat now that she's back at work. She feels odd wearing shoes and clothes that match though. 9:05am

January 1
Heidi feeling like her Secret Mission Ice Bat at the thought of going back to work. EEEEEEEEEE. 10:59pm

Heidi has just purged 7 years of files from her filing cabinet. 6:56pm

Heidi is wondering if Gracie has atoned for eating Atonement. Interestingly, like many people I know, Gracie didn't get past the first 50 pages of the Golden Compass either. 10:45am

December 31
Heidi is sad to be running out of Hello Kitty bandaids. 2:28pm

December 30
Heidi wishes Gracie's appetite for contemporary fiction was more readerly. 7:53pm

Heidi is wondering if Gracie's joined a cat book club that requires her to eat the corner off at least one book a week. 5:00pm

December 29
Heidi is amused by what she overheard: "He's tall AND athletic? If you can find yourself a man's who's tall, athletic and not an idiot, well then you've hit the jackpot." 9:19pm

Heidi is feeling nostalgic for Dale's Amy Winehouse songs. 7:57pm

Heidi is wondering how long Dale will continue to sing his daily communiques as Amy Winehouse songs: "they tried to make me make some coffee and I said no, no, no...". 9:09am

December 27
Heidi is no longer under the control of her Svengali-like alarm clock. 12:58pm

December 26
Heidi is making a lizard out of blue felt. 7:11pm

December 25
Heidi is probably not going to broadcast her Christmas message on Youtube but nevertheless she, like the Queen, wishes you a very "heppy" Christmas. 9:42am

December 23
Heidi thinking "Rough winds do shake the darling house on Moy".
4:43pm

Heidi is still reading a baseball novel, drinking coffee from a Red Sox mug but is now watching snow fall. 4:13pm

Heidi is reading a baseball novel, drinking coffee from a Red Sox mug and watching the rain pour down. 8:23am

December 22
Heidi trying to figure out what to buy a Democratic Presential candidate for Christmas. A sweater from the Gap? Pepperidge Farms basket? Oprah's lastest book pick? 11:15am

December 21
Heidi had no idea that buying a Barack Obama bumper sticker would mean Barack would email her every day, She now feels pressured to send him a Xmas card too. 9:17pm