Heidi's Trip to Washington: a travel essay in 42 handwritten FB Updates

Heidi realizes much too late that she has left her flight itinerary in the printer. She has no other record of her travel plans in the US. Maybe this will be the time they won't ask for it... June 19, 9:05 AM

Heidi has evidence-- not just a hunch-- that leaving the flight itinerary in the printer does not impress Homeland Security one teeny tiny bit. Nor one's husband. June 19, 9:10 AM

"Maybe this will be the time they won't ask for it..." Heidi is a complete idiot. June 19, 9:11 AM

Heidi feels like a petulant teen having just said "I know. I know. I KNOW. Yes, I know. I KNOW" to Homeland Security when informed she really should have details of her flight. June 19, 9:14 AM

Heidi really doesn't want to know what D is thinking but she has a pretty good idea. 9:15 AM

Heidi is dealing with a difficult, turbulent and thunderstorm-filled flight by having Lyle Lovett sing lullabies to her on her iPod. It's nice to know that if she needed him, he would come to her, he would swim the seas, for to ease her pain. Heidi is grateful for Lyle. June 19, 11:10 AM

Heidi is looking at the map of the National Gallery while eating a sandwich of tomato, bocconcini and fresh basil on rosemary bread. Art and lunch. Two of her favourite things. June 19, 2:20 PM

Heidi wonders why she's got "Mambo Italiano" going through her head. She thinks it could be because she's trying to find the 15th century Italian art section. June 19, 2:40 PM


Heidi has found the Italian art section and is singing "Hey Mambo, five more Botticellis, Hey Mambo, an Ugolino Lorenzetti..." June 19, 2:50 PM

Heidi just added 5 new Botticelli paintings to her life list. She's pretty excited. June 19, 3:00 PM

Heidi thinks, as she has thought many times before: "Art and lunch. Life doesn't get any better than this." June 19, 4:00 PM

Heidi is trying not to think about her regrets at not becoming an art historian. Heidi is not being terribly successful at repressing these thoughts. June 19, 5:10 PM

Heidi wonders-- upon seeing 4 monks wandering the gallery halls-- if it's bad to wonder if they sing "Hey hey we're the monk-ees!" Heidi decides, "probably." Still, there is a part of her that really wants to ask. June 19, 5:12 PM

Heidi is smiling at this voice mail: "And after dinner, E and I will go home and you and S can go clubbing." June 19, 5:30 PM

Heidi is so happy to see G, S and E. June 19, 6:30 PM

Heidi wishes the waiter would stop filling her wine glass... well, no... keep it coming, sir. June 19, 7:20 PM

Heidi is also smiling at this conversation: "So, where did he meet this band?" "Craig's List." June 19, 10:00 PM

Heidi is happy S was in town this weekend; she has missed her. June 19, 10:20

Heidi is nerding out over the fact that S has been to a Supreme Court Staff Holiday Party and can fill her in on which Supreme Court Justice is the best Christmas carol singer. June 19, 10:30 PM

Heidi thinks it's cool that there's a shoe store in Alexandria open at 11:00 PM. Heidi did not buy the black flats with the sort of deranged puppy on them, though she was tempted. 10:40 PM

Heidi is grateful for her amazing friends and she falls asleep wondering what she did to deserve them all. June 20, 12:40 AM

Heidi is elated that E is so excited about seeing the Library of Congress (and she's not even a librarian!) June 20, 11:30 AM

Heidi is speechless looking at Thomas Jefferson's personal library. She wears her cardigan with pride today. June 20, 12:15 PM

Heidi wonders if anyone else has said "Wow... Madison was a presidential hotty" out loud at the Madison Library or if people mostly just keep that thought to themselves. June 20 1:20 PM

Heidi remembers how unfit she is for southern heat, especially since she knows it's not really that bad today. June 20, 2:30 PM

Heidi can't quite believe the impact Facebook has had on her life. Why, for example, is she writing status updates with a pen on paper? June 20, 3:20 PM


Heidi is grateful she and E trekked on in the heat so they could gaze upon the White House with reverence for the first time in 8 years. June 20, 4:00 PM

Heidi wishes she could write a status update saying "Heidi has remembered to hydrate herself in this unpleasant heat and thus feels hale and hearty." 4:30 PM

Heidi has an unpleasant encounter with a mirror and realizes she doesn't look as bad as she feels. Sadly she looks much worse. Thankfully, the hotel has Aveda products and Heidi is hopeful they can work a small miracle in the next 45 minutes. June 20, 4:50 PM

Heidi, it would seem, no longer appears to look like a zombie with heat stroke. Huzzah. June 20, 6:30 PM


Heidi is fond of her dress and thanks the co-worker who said "what are you waiting for? Buy it already." June 20, 6:35 PM

Heidi realizes it hadn't quite sunk in that they were going to the Bolshoi until E handed her the ticket and they both said "ooooooooooooo...." June 20, 7:00 PM

Heidi is speechless after Act I of "Le Corsaire" and wonders "can the rest be this good?" June 20, 8:30 PM

Heidi recalls that when she and E went to see the Kirov, E asked her, "How far should we be willing to travel to see the Bolshoi?" A woman overhearing E said "You should be willing to travel very, very far to see them." Heidi finally understands. June 20, 9:30 PM

Heidi says "Gee... I don't know." when E asks "So, how are they going to stage a shipwreck in a ballet?" June 20, 9:40 PM

Heidi and E both say "Whoooooooooooooaaaa! Cool!!!!" when they see how they stage a shipwreck in a ballet. June 20, 9:45 PM

Heidi thinks there should be more ballets with pirates and with synopses that have lines like "They became mutinous" and "Birbanto requests permission to regale his fellow pirates with a barrel of wine." June 20, 11:30 PM

Heidi has been asked for directions 4 times this weekend. If you know Heidi, you know how funny this is. If you know Heidi, then you also know how amazing it is that she was able to give all 4 people real and reliable directions. June 21, 12:20 PM

Heidi is spending her last morning in DC basking in the US Botanic Gardens. She is amused that it's Pollenator Week. Pollen is your friend. It makes you laugh and cry. June 21, 10:30 AM

Heidi has taken 2 photos of her black Keen Mary Janes in two spots where she thought of how happy she was to be walking in DC on a perfect June Sunday; alone but thinking of everyone she loves. RealLY, a happier girl, there could not be. June 21, 12:20 PM

Heidi has found the elusive "Magnolia bloom at Heidi height" during her last 15 minutes of her last walk in DC. She has missed magnolias. 12:50 PM

Heidi is listening to Lyle Lovett on the Metro to the airport. Lyle sings "Li, li, li, le, le, le, lend me your hand, there's many a river that waters the land" while Heidi feels teary speeding away from the perfect weekend. A weekend, some might say, that was so perfect it can't be accurately stated. June 21, 1:30 PM