Collected Status Updates

By popular-ish demand, here are three weeks’ worth of status updates. The ones in quotations were generously donated by my very funny friend JW who generously took on the task of writing my status updates while I was sick. He continues to offer them. He’s just that kind of guy. Thanks for reading.


Heidi feels better about working today knowing it will get her Opening Day off in April. 1:53pm -

Heidi "hasn't had this much fun since the pigs ate Grandpa." 12:20pm -

Heidi wonders if one can develop Stockholm Syndrome in relation to one's workplace. 10:28am -

Heidi has brought today's Meeting-a-palooza to an end. 2:37pm -

Heidi has used paperclips and sticky notes to impose order on chaos. 9:55am -

Heidi's morning began with Elizabeth rejecting Mr Darcy. Even though she's read the novel 16 times before she still says "gasp!" 8:18am -

Heidi is happy to be wearing her Keen Mary Janes. She does not expect Grover Cleveland Alexander or Grover Cleveland would be similarly happy. 5:01pm -

Heidi wonders if Grover Cleveland Alexander would be a better mascot for the day than Grover Cleveland or Super Grover. 1:17pm -

Heidi wonders if Grover Cleveland would be a better mascot for the day. 11:32am -

Heidi said "Oh. Yeah... forgot that" when J reminded her of Super Grover's propensity for crashing into things. 8:48am -

Heidi wishes she had a cape to help her feel more like Super Grover. 8:13am -

Jan 21

Heidi is back to being Groverian. 1:16pm -

Heidi wonders what would happen if she answered every question she gets on the reference desk as Yoda would. 10:52am -

Heidi is feeling less like Chewbacca and more like Grover today. 8:58am -

Heidi is going to take a muscle relaxant so she will stop making sounds like Chewbacca every time she moves. It's hard to be Heidi lately. 9:12pm -

Heidi IS walking around like Frankenstein. Or a burly linebacker in heels. 4:24pm –

Heidi worries she's walking around with a stride akin to Frankenstein's thanks to her recent physio appointment (if Frankenstein wore shoes like she does). 3:15pm -

Heidi needs to step out of the library. She just referred to someone as "embodying chivalry 2.0." 2:20pm -

Heidi wonders how long until the First Puppy is appointed. 12:46pm -

Heidi has radio coverage!! Woo hoo! 11:53am -

Heidi can't get a live stream of anything... boo hoo... 11:49am -

Heidi is giddily watching CNN

Heidi is listening to Patty Griffin's "Heavenly Day" and celebrating this long-awaited "brighter coming day." 9:11am -

Jan 19

Heidi is changing her name to Fernando ‘Boogaloo’ Velez. Maybe not right away. But soon. 10:30pm -

Heidi wishes she had Dap-Kings named Homer ‘Funkyfoot’ Steinweiss and Fernando ‘Boogaloo’ Velez. 1:02pm -

Heidi hopes leaving her keys at home isn't an omen for the week. 9:16am -

Jan 18

Heidi is working on her difficult third album. 5:46pm -

Heidi is stepping away from the laptop.... 4:04pm -

Heidi is thinking about setting up a facebook group callled "Fans of Mr Dickson and his generous use of his snow blower on our street." 2:45pm -

Heidi is once more convinced that the right pen can solve just about any writing problem. Today's weapon of choice: the Elysee medium nib fountain pen with Parker ink. 11:33am -

Heidi is feeling reclusive, recalcitrant, recast and oddly receptive. In short, she has a day of writing ahead of her. 8:55am -

Jan 17

Heidi "dreamt she walked through a field of tulips with Colin Firth. He was about to ask her something important when he tripped, broke his leg & she had to shoot him.” 10:38pm -

Heidi "has never been to Alaska, but she's starting to think maybe she has..." 10:33pm -

Heidi "has ended her trash talking and is contemplating taking out the trash, but without talking to it." 2:11pm -

Heidi has been listening to Sharon Jones and the Dap-Kings and is wondering where a girl might get some Dap-Kings of her own. 1:05pm -

Heidi is venturing thither. To America. Anon. 9:05am -

Jan 16

Heidi is probably not going to join the Facebook group "People who turn acronyms into adverbs and don't use them with irony." 11:31pm -

Heidi had a pint o' Strongbow. She no longer has a need for a geospatial portal. 7:12pm -

Heidi has a list of status updates that she wrote during her 5 hrs of meetings. Most relevant: "Heidi would like a beer. Or a geospatial portal." 3:56pm -

Heidi appears to have her own fight song... cool. 11:19am -

Heidi regrets saying "meh" to her question "should I dry my hair this morning?" 8:32am -

Jan 15
Heidi was told that he was bad, but Heidi knew Charley Gehringer was sad. That's why she fell for... 10:19pm -

Heidi was asked, "by the way where'd you meet Charley Gehringer?" She met him at the candy store. He turned around and smiled at her. You get the picture? 5:36pm -

Heidi heard the words she doesn't like to hear "Heidi... I thought you were supposed to one of the nice ones." 4:24pm -

Heidi and Charley Gehringer apologize to K for being unable to do anything about her library fines. Charley says "library fines do not make you a bad person." 12:03pm -

Heidi disagrees with D. She does not think Charley Gehringer would be "horribly disappointed" in her for accruing 75 cents in overdue fines at WPL. 8:47am -

Heidi "realizes with a start that in another life she was actually Charley Gehringer." 3:07pm -

Heidi wishes she'd published in "Fenland Notes and Queries: a quarterly antiquarian journal for the fenland, in the counties of Huntingdon, Cambridge." 2:33pm -

Heidi is having her mind read. It is unlikely it will become one of Oprah's Picks. 12:10pm -

Heidi wonders why there are TV chefs yet not TV librarians. 10:49am -

Heidi wonders what Gordon Ramsay would be like as a librarian. 9:48am -

Heidi is trying not to roll her eyes at the discussions of the "extreme, bitter cold" hitting Windsor. 9:12am -

Jan 13

Heidi did not realize until she read D’s status update that she was being all Gordon Ramsay-y while cooking. At least it wasn't Rachel Ray. 7:56pm -

Heidi did not know there was a song about pinball machines in the Mikado. She is a better person for knowing that there is. 5:54pm -

Heidi wonders how a librarian will be written into the Mikado but looks forward to finding out. 4:41pm -

Heidi has been made the subject of re-written Gilbert and Sullivan lyrics "For She is an English Librarian." Heidi is greatly amused. 1:02pm -

Heidi now knows what "luthier" means. 12:04pm -

Heidi is watching the snow fall and thinking about pitchers and catchers. 9:16am -

Heidi "has sent a message to an old friend. It reads, in its entirety, 'Ishmael: Call me.'." 10:55pm -

Heidi 's status writer is back at work: "Heidi is worried about the famed "Irony Triangle" that crosses the 49th Parallel. No, actually, she's not worried." 8:35pm -

Heidi is singing Supremes songs about Curtis. Again. 7:17pm -

Heidi doesn't know how to break it to D that we're going to have to go to Home Depot again. Oops. She thinks she just did. Darn status updates. 4:02pm -

Heidi is thost in lot... 2:02pm -

Heidi is happy to have a cute photo of Stephen Colbert in her presentation for this afternoon. 1:01pm -

Heidi just watched a Russell Crowe movie and still doesn't know which monochrome to wear tomorrow. These two facts are not as related as one might think. 10:38pm -

Heidi is trying to decide which monochrome to wear tomorrow. It's harder than one might think. Really. 5:45pm -

Heidi 's claim to Pinball Wizardry is tangential, at best. 4:47pm –

Heidi has been outed as a pinball wizard by Dale. She's as incredulous as you are (but hoping to beat her top score of 37,433 points today). 11:09am -
Jan 10

Heidi admits the pinball machine is pretty cool. 4:47pm -

Heidi is watching the arrival of a pinball machine from a distance. 12:11pm -

Heidi is smiling at D's inner ten-year-old as he patiently awaits the arrival of his pinball machines. 8:46am -

Jan 9

Heidi will be supplying her own status updates over the weekend. Her writer has the weekend off. She thanks him for his top notch work. 5:52pm -

Heidi "is no longer under the weather. She's back to controlling it from her mountain aerie." 1:31pm -

Heidi "feels so good she's considering a run for the Senate in 2010." 12:00pm -

Heidi feels better than she has in 23 days!! Woohoo!!!! 10:31am -

Heidi is very happy with her professionally-written status updates. She wonders what else she can outsource. 3:54pm -

Heidi "is invading her personal space." 1:42pm -

Heidi "was going to contemplate the enduring mystery of life, but then she thought, 'Oh, screw it.'." 1:02pm -

Heidi is, according to her professional status update writer, "the funniest person who ever lived more than a year in Lincoln Nebraska" other than Johnny Carson. 12:28pm -

Heidi 's 3rd outsourced update: Heidi thinks people everywhere just wanna be free, & they'd probably want it even more if they were working in a library. 12:13pm -

Heidi likes having a professional writing her status updates. Here's the latest: "heidi rules, but only with lined paper." 11:51am -

Heidi has resorted to outsourcing her status updates to professionals: "Heidi has decided to stop being sick, and the decision couldn't have come at a better time." 11:00am -

Heidi feels like a freak show: 3 out of 5 people she has met said "Whoa, you look horrible," 1 said "there there" and 1 said "Hey! I like your hat!" 9:37am -

Heidi made it to her office... 9:15am -

Jan 7

Heidi likes these phrases from a NY-er restaurant review: "oxymoronically bland" and "with the texture of Play-doh, a freezer burned strawberry parfait." 5:45pm -

Heidi is home again today. 8:52am -

Jan 6

Heidi is thoroughly bored with her recurring status update motif and knows you are too. She apologizes. :(. 10:55pm -

Heidi would not have made a good invalid in a Victorian novel. 4:54pm -

Heidi is yellow today, she shines her light out like the sun/ She is a rainbow today/ All the colors of the world... 9:10am -
Jan 4

Heidi can't remember whether librarians report before or after pitchers and catchers. 8:35pm -

Heidi thinks Laundry Gnome 72 does a nice job with silks. 5:39pm

Heidi is happy to see Laundry Gnome 72. 3:32pm -

Heidi is looking out the window anxiously awaiting the arrival of the laundry gnomes. 1:43pm -

Heidi thinks that if you're sick for the whole holidays you should get a do-over. 1:21pm -

Jan 3

Heidi is still gathering library fines while she may. 4:26pm -

Heidi might be said to be a maverick.