3 months of facebook updates

Heidi is remembering her physiotherapist's advice from October: "when those cute shoes come out in the spring, I want you to remember how much this hurts.".
11:21pm

Heidi 's mind is hosting a monumental battle between good and evil: kitten heel sling backs or the wrath of her physiotherapist. Which side will win? Tough call.
6:11pm

Heidi is a hermit in her own mind.
10:04am

Heidi anticipates she will be scurvy free AND malaria free for the next several years. Hurrah for quinine and lime!
12:48am

Heidi thinks eating a cupcake and staying out way past her bedtime on a school night was exactly what she needed.
12:20am

Heidi can't believe she just read a story about "Farfallegate" and the McCain campaign.
6:43pm

Heidi is in a better mood because of a cupcake.
6:32pm

Heidi would have a live-in physio therapist if she were Celine Dion. Heidi would also be a lot taller and thinner if she were Celine Dion. She would annoy herself.
5:02pm

Heidi has had her name mispelled by 3 different people in the past 24 hours. She is starting to think she is spelling her own name wrong.
3:52pm

Heidi agrees with R however she thinks Cicero's cuter than Phaedrus the Epicurean but not as cute as Pliny the Elder.
1:01pm

Heidi wishes 1. she could get the image of the squashed rat she saw this weekend out of her head and 2. that she'd stop equating it with her scholarship.
9:53am

Heidi is alarmed that people actually read her status updates and regrets using the phrase "intellectual roadkill."
9:40am

Heidi thinking about baseball when she should be thinking about her article's impending deadline and its current state (which reminds her of intellectual roadkill).
9:22am

Heidi is thinking about getting a theramin for her cats.
4:12pm

Heidi apologizes to L and D for not sharing her Junior Caramels. She will know better next time.
2:34pm

Heidi wishes she hadn't eaten all those Junior Caramels. She feels ill. She can, however, take your calls now.
2:13pm

Heidi should know better than to answer the phone with a mouth full of Junior Caramels.
1:24pm

Heidi is wondering if cake is a form of rhetorical persuasion.
12:01pm

Heidi is apparently on the Survivor Leddy tribe who lost the challenge where the winning team gets room temperature work spaces.
9:20am

Heidi is miffed. After 3 weeks of leaving milk and cookies for the laundry fairies, she's decided she needs to take matters into her own hands.
6:24pm

Heidi found the hidden immunity idol.
9:21am

Heidi thanks D for acknowledging that it is he not she who curses at What Not To Wear.
3:55pm

Heidi does not curse at the TV during What Not to Wear.
2:14pm

Heidi is listening to D curse at the TV and having a hard time believing that D watches sports because it "relaxes him".
1:44pm

Heidi is laughing herself silly at P B's new political campaign: "The Audacity of Heidi: Change Albertans Can Live With.".
8:13pm

Heidi is uber proud of her brother. He's so swell.
11:18am

Heidi has written a lot of status updates about pudding lately. She wishes she had some now. Alas, she only has proof.
10:56pm

Heidi thinks R's on the right track again. The right pen and pudding. That's all. Then you can footnote "For proof, see pudding."
5:06pm

Heidi is happy with the frozen paneer tikka masala she got from the cafeteria.
1:37pm

Heidi is reconfiguring her email's "out of office" function to say "Heidi is out of sorts. She should be back to a less snarky state in several weeks. Thanks."
10:55pm

Heidi is wondering if she spilled pudding on the proofs she's correcting, would the proof be in the pudding?
10:16am

Heidi is having a hard time believing she just quoted the Fonz in a work-related email. Sigh.
9:41pm

Heidi is Nemo still.
8:18pm

Heidi is wondering why a database suggested she might be interested in newspaper articles on "Mascots in football." How did they know that?!?!
5:18pm

Heidi is five runs away from not being called Nemo.
5:06pm

Heidi is still hopeful today will be the last day Dale calls her Nemo even though the Tigers are still scoreless.
2:51pm

Heidi is brought to you by the number 7 and the letter B.
10:49am

Heidi is sad that her writing momentum from yesterday has seriously derailed .
10:04am

Heidi is surprised that D really is calling her "Nemo" until the Tigers win.
9:24am

Heidi is trying to recreate the logic that led her to believe making a curried carrot souffle on a school night would be a great idea.
7:13pm

Heidi is wondering if anyone would mind if she installed a porch door in her office and maybe a porch swing outside.
3:27pm

Heidi is kind of alarmed by the number of sandwich crumbs stuck in her keyboard.
2:22pm

Heidi fears she looks like a blonde Magglio Ordonez when she wears her ball cap.
10:27am

Heidi is getting very tired of her bad Tigers knock knock joke. The punchline's now Owen Six. To make things worse, D's calling her 'Nemo' until they win a game.
11:39pm

Heidi is telling her Tigers knock knock joke again. This time the punchline is "Owen Five.".
12:35am

Heidi wonders if, when he visits Canada, Jay-Z is Jay-Zed.
9:53am

Heidi has been restored by an hour of Motown.
9:35pm

Heidi has been upgraded to "ok" and is approaching "swell".
7:44pm

Heidi has been downgraded from "chock full 'o crankiness" to "crabby".
6:36pm

Heidi is chock full o' cranky-ness and wonders if that's an improvement from being one surly little hombre. She doesn't think it is.
4:02pm

Heidi is chock full o' cranky-ness.
4:00pm

Heidi is one surly little hombre.
1:39pm

Heidi is thinking about her career options at Dunder Mifflin ("The People Person's Paper People").
9:53pm

Heidi would like J to know that Heidi is "one tired little hombre.".
1:41pm

Heidi 's inner terrier is a little tired today.
11:59am

Heidi didn't quite realize how many traits she had in common with Scottish Terriers; it's really quite eerie.
3:21pm

Heidi just scored another 73 point word. She thinks it's the giant Toblerone she's been eating that's inspiring these words. She is still getting lots done at work.
2:36pm

Heidi is also getting lots of work done.
11:33am

Heidi just scored 74 points in Scrabble. Sorry M. K, aren't you glad it's not you?
11:12am

Heidi is glad she launched a 'bring tofu to Comerica Park" letter writing campaign; she hopes D B will forgive her for signing his name to all 900 letters.

Heidi is not Shelby Lynne
5:34pm

Heidi regrets making K that evil pudding.
3:03pm

Heidi is disappointed that K has realized that Heidi is an evil librarian.
1:19pm

Heidi is playing her own walk-up song as she approaches the mound that is the reference desk: she's chosen Wonderwall.
10:54am

Heidi is doing some calculations to see if she can have a bed built under her desk like George Costanza has.
9:35am

Heidi is never going to fall for this line again; if you like Jane Austen, you'll love this novel!" Blaaaaah.
8:32pm

Heidi found her Tigers cap and saw the injured Curtis.
6:37pm

Heidi is looking for her Tigers cap and looking forward to seeing Curtis (he'll still be there, right??).
10:18am

Heidi is happy to be watching Austen-a-palooza again.
9:44pm

Heidi just got wished "carpe diem" on her birthday card from the upper adminsitration. She wonders if "carpe diem" is administrative code for "take the day off... live a little!"
3:03pm

Heidi is feeling more cromulent.
3:42pm

Heidi is feeling low corpulent.
3:21pm

Heidi is surprised that it took 16 years but is happy that D finally realized she wasn't joking when she asked if he'd hide Easter eggs for her.
6:53pm

Heidi is feeling nostalgic for the days when she wrote amusing status updates.
5:44pm

Heidi would like to wave a white flag at 2008.
11:51am

Heidi is wondering what happened to her inner Nina Simone.
9:25pm

Heidi is unfortunately needing to think about what Death Cab for Cutie said that Sarah said again.
12:49pm

Heidi ate too much caramel corn...
6:27pm

Heidi would like to have a word with 2008: "could you be a bit kinder?".
6:07pm

Heidi 's inner Jane Austen is at war with her inner Nina Simone.
6:16pm

Heidi hasn't had enough coffee.
6:59pm

Heidi has received scholarly validation. She feel validated. She will now dance.
6:46pm

Heidi has been chipping away at mountains of minutiae all day and has conquered very little.
3:06pm

Heidi 's webinar is experiencing technical difficulties. She was about to type "I hope someone doesn't sing the Jeopardy theme" but someone already has.
2:23pm

Heidi listening to a webinar...though perhaps the fact she's on facebook suggests she is not.
2:19pm

Heidi makes a fine spinach lasagna (if she may be so bold as to say so).
1:42pm

Heidi is noticeably happier after reading her virtual puppy is "nicely fed, happy and well-loved." Ah, Marigold....
10:53am

Heidi is listening to Fountains of Wayne and thinking she too has a bright future in sales.
9:26pm

Heidi is feeling like one half of the Flight of the Concords. She won't tell you which. And she won't let you guess.
8:41pm

Heidi is glad she is nowhere near the 50-hour "Danny Boy" singing marathon.
3:58pm

Heidi might could be confused with Typhoid Mary.
12:46pm

Heidi is not at one with her daytimer.
11:08am

Heidi and Lily are celebrating Curtis's birthday.
10:15pm

Heidi is, apparently, kind of like Kermit the Frog.
6:44pm

Heidi had no idea Jimmy Page is "a collector of museum-quality pre-Raphaelite and British Arts and Crafts Movement pieces".
3:25pm

Heidi went to the Joffrey Ballet with E yesterday and was very excited to see two Borzoi dogs in the performance. There should be more dogs in ballet, she thinks.
12:56pm

Heidi is no longer feeling Dickensian now that the furnace has been fixed.
4:49pm

Heidi is ill but her virtual puppy is on the up.
1:53am

Heidi is wondering if she can find a sandwich in Pearson that is made of actual bread instead of a space-age polymer shaped like bread.
8:59pm

Heidi still has two Tim Tams which she will share with D.
8:57pm
March 12

Heidi is a firm believer that friends don't let friends wear conference name tags in public.
8:31pm

Heidi feels like a super hero now that she is carrying two Tim Tam cookies to save her and protect her from evil. Like Obi Wan says, "Use the Tim Tams, Luke".
10:50pm

Heidi thinks Melville Dewey would be pretty impressed with the way she arranged condiments in her newly cleaned and organized fridge. Heidi must get out of the house.
9:15am